


Lunatic

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Car rides, M/M, Magical Realism, Only with this story in mind, also no beta we die like men, and I was like ‘i don’t wanna’, but I think it’s a p good story so maybe not many regrets, but she was like ‘bitch’, i woke up in cold sweat at 4am, mentioned drug use, my muse was like all ‘publish this you bitch’, okay so, sleepy and full of regrets, so here i am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 13:22:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16517288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A person driven mad by the moonOrKyle asks Cartman to take him to a river in the middle of the night





	Lunatic

**Author's Note:**

> Lmao I’ve lost control of my life, I don’t even like Kyman that much but this story just wanted to go out. Stories are like babies and I’m their delirious lesbian mother.
> 
> Additional Warnings you shouldn’t read because they’re spoilers but it could also be triggering so here you go: Suicide, metal illnes, mayor character death, gore, this is magic realism and I don’t have to explain why things happen, you just gotta believeeeee.

“Take me to a river, the most isolated one you can think of, where no one else is around” 

The middle of a night of peaceful sleep was harshly interrupted by the windows violently opening and Kyle practically jumping on Cartman’s bed. Cartman wakes up violently to find himself with Kyle’s face only millimeters from his own, his eyes like a corpse’s, saying some words that he could not process at this very moment, like a mad man rambling nonsense. Cartman blinked to adjust his eyes to the almost non existent light of the room and, like signaled by Cartman’s confusion, Kyle repeated: 

“I need you to take me to a river, the loneliest one you can think of” 

Saying it was unexpected was an understatement. Moonlight was the only light source in the whole room and barely shaped Kyle’s face in the dark, his green eyes being the his most recognizable trait. The window was wide open an the breeze outside was chilling, but Kyle didn’t seem to mind the cold, just looking at Eric with a cold expression, just looking with his deep green eyes at Eric’s heterochromatic ones, unblinking, in all fours trapping Cartman’s lying body with his own. After a second of processing, Cartman was not amused.

“The fuck are you taking about, Jew.”

“I need you to take me to a river, the most isolated-“

“Yes, I know that” interrupted Cartman “I meant, the fuck are you talking about.”

“I need-“ said Kyle, getting increasingly irritated by Cartman’s lack of understanding of the urgency of the situation, looking at him like Cartman was the crazy one. 

“Yes, I KNOW” Eric rolled his eyes and huffed in annoyance. He grabbed Kyle by the shoulders and sat down to be at eye level with him. “I meant WHY the fuck would I do that, and why are you asking me out of all people in the MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING NIGHT”

“‘Cuz you’re the only one who can help me...” Kyle broke eye contact and looked to some empty space on Cartman’s room, almost insecure, ashamed of what he was asking for. All the initial confidence suddenly gone and replaced by a self conscious kind of shyness “but you don’t understand. I NEED to” said Kyle, looking like he was about to cry. 

The sheer desperation on his voice almost convinced Eric to drop everything and get Kyle to his river, or maybe it was the whole bizarreness of the entire situation. After all, it was the same Kyle who he had been bickering with some hours earlier that same day, but that Kyle had been completely sane, this Kyle looked like he had seen a ghost, or rather, had been turned into one. 

“Let me rephrase that. WHY should I help you, Khal?” 

“I know it’s sudden but I really really need you to.” Kyle looked desperately lost, like he didn’t even knew what was going on or where he was, aware of only a random need to go to a river. He blindly touched the pockets of his jacket until he found what he was looking for, he took out an enveloped and pushed it to Eric’s face “but I’m willing to give you four grand if you take me there and don’t ask any more questions.” 

Cartman looked at the money, stunted. Then regained his composure “You dirty Jew, think you can solve everything with money? Well, I’m not about to fall for your trick. You want to leave me there? Kill me where no one can hear me scream? Rape me and then pretend I’m the crazy one? No fucking chance.” 

“Please” pleaded Kyle. He looked so vulnerable, like he was asking a monster to please don’t hurt him, to take everything away, just please don’t kill him; like if he didn’t get where he wanted to he really couldn’t continue living on anymore, like the river was the only thing that was between him and certain doom. Cartman felt a jab in his chest. 

“Fine.” he resigned, accepting the money “but you give me one more hour to sleep, us non-heathens actually need to sleep to conserve our energies.”

Kyle had never looked so happy, the only other time Cartman had seen Kyle smiling like that was all those years ago, when the doctor told him he would live after the kidney transplant, he had found Kyle’s smile annoying at the moment, mocking him for stealing his kidney, but looking back at it he couldn’t say he minded Kyle smiling like that, so full of life, smiling because of him, because now a part of him was inside Kyle and had saved his life. 

Kyle had taken out his phone and timed an hour to sleep before going to their quest. Then plummeted right next to Cartman, making himself comfortable in the bed and resting his head on Cartman’s pillow like it was his own. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” said Cartman.

“Saves time” said Kyle, already closing his eyes.

“Ugh, okay” Cartman was too tired to argue, they probably had a big trip ahead “just don’t get a hard-on when the alarm sounds.”

“Can’t” murmured Kyle “had some pills”

He was fast asleep before Eric could question him further.

*

The alarm sounded and Kyle quickly woke up, jumped out of the bed and grabbed a blue sport’s bag he had apparently brought with him since entering through the window and smiled at it. He looked less like someone who had just been woken up by and alarm and more like a middleschooler full of energy expecting the sound of the bell to finally get out of the last class of the day. Cartman was not as exited.

“Slow down a little, will you?” said Cartman “Jesus fucking Christ what is your fucking problem”

Kyle promptly ignored him in favor of typing on his phone “so according to google maps the river I need is four hours away by car. Come on, we’re on a schedule here” he tapped his foot impatiently while he waited for Cartman to get ready. 

“Stop bitching, I’m coming” Eric grabbed a coat, some shoes, didn’t even bother to get out of his pajamas and followed Kyle downstairs to grab his car keys. He was kind of disappointed Kyle had not sobered up from whatever thing he was high on, but decided to play along out of curiosity of what he could do in this weird, probably high on something super illegal estate. 

He grabbed his keys and headed outside to the chilling Colorado breeze and, as soon as he pressed the button to open the car Kyle was already there, turning up the radio and fidgeting with his phone excitedly. Cartman got in the car with the speed of a person who had had 3 hours of interrupted sleep plus one extra hour that didn’t really count for much and started the car “So... exactly, where are we going?” he asked.

“I’m sending you the directions right now.” Kyle said sharply, making clear the don’t ask any more questions part of the deal “we shouldn’t have any problems” 

Cartman was irritated, obviously. “Okay, fine. But I’m going to ask you one more thing before we can go.” Said Cartman, mostly to be annoying. 

Kyle seemed extremely annoyed by this, just as planned, but allowed it in favor of hurrying up “What.” 

Cartman thought about it carefully “why me? I’m sure Stan could have given you a lift in the middle of the night to fucking nowhere no questions asked and not for four grand” 

Kyle thought about it for a minute then said firmly “but I don’t NEED Stan right now, I need you right now” and accommodated in his seat “besides, Stan’s AC is broken” 

Cartman knew he wouldn’t get more out of Kyle, so he started the car, checked his phone for the directions and let the shitty 3am band that played on the radio on.

*

Kyle slept for most of the journey, which Cartman found extremely unfair since Kyle was the crazy idiot who had asked for a lift to fucking nowhere in the middle of the night, but Cartman was the crazy idiot who was actually taking him fucking nowhere so he supposed it all balanced out. That didn’t stop him from taking harsh turns or stopping suddenly to see if Kyle woke up, startled by the sudden movement, but Kyle just grumbled in his sleep and went back to getting comfortable in his chair. 

Three hours and a half in Kyle woke up, checked his phone and asked if they where there yet.

“Almost” said Cartman “you owe me big time for this, Khal” 

“I know, I know” said Kyle, but he looked a little sad, almost melancholic. He quickly changed the subject “I have some soda and some snacks for when we get there, you know, to make it up for the long trip.”

“What?” said Cartman “was all of this for taking me on a field trip or something?”

“Or something” murmured Kyle. The rest of the car ride went on in uncomfortable silence that neither of them was willing to break. 

When they finally arrived it was almost sunrise. The tress around where covered in morning frost and aside from the birds doing their thing and the sound of the river in the distance not a single sound was to be heard. It was the calming kind of beautiful they hadn’t seen since they where kids and played in snowy fields, when they imagined they where superheroes or Kings, without a care in the word. 

Kyle grabbed the blue sport’s bag he had brought with him and placed it on his lap, then took out a Mountain and a sugar free Sprite, handed Cartman the Mountain Dew and said “Cheers.” 

Cartman reluctantly accepted the drink and made a toast with Kyle, not really sure what they were celebrating “Cheers.” then, ruffling trough the bag and taking out a cheesy Poof out of the diverse snack bag, he asked “Where did you get this? I thought your Jew family didn’t let you buy this sort of thing.” 

“Oh, they don’t. I just robbed a convenience store” said Kyle like it was the most natural thing in the world “I convinced the clerk I had a gun under my jacket and took all I wanted, then I took some pills downed them down with some whiskey I stole from my parents, then kicked a puppy and punched a pregnant nun in my way to your house.” 

Cartman, for the first time didn’t knew what to say, so he just looked at Kyle with a shocked expression and articulated “Woah, dude” 

“It’s a joke!” said Kyle “well, the puppy and nun part are, the rest is all true” he sighed and took out a metal flask “I’m going for a walk, you can keep the rest of the things in the bag. And the bag, if you want.” And with that he was gone.

Cartman was so lost, he tried to process what was going on but his brain in short circuit, he didn’t get what was going on. But suddenly the idea reached his head: don’t leave Kyle alone. He hurriedly reached out for the car door and ran out, searching for Kyle. 

He found Kyle near the river, with back turned and the lower half of his boots deep on the chilly river water, but he didn’t seemed to mind the cold. The sun raised behind him, giving him an ethereal appearance, like he didn’t belong in this world, like he was about to get out. 

“Say” he said suddenly, still with his back turned “if I asked you to marry me, would you say yes?” asked Kyle. 

“W-What?” Cartman seriously had no idea what was going on, he only felt fear, the feeling that something horrible was about to happen “I... yes! I would say yes. Just for fuck’s sake get out of there!” He pleaded, but he found himself unable to move, too consumed by a supernatural force stopping him from reaching Kyle, a curtain was raised between them and Kyle was simply too far away. 

Kyle faces him “That’s what I thought” he smiled, but his eyes seemed empty, motionless “Thank you, tell our friends I’ll miss them”

Then the world seemed to stop altogether, the birds stopped chirping, the river stopped moving even the fresh pine scent seemed to disappeared to give Cartman full attention of what was happening. Kyle, with a swift and elegant swing took out a pocket knife from his jacket, pointed it to his neck and, without any warning, swiftly stabbed himself. The moment seemed to go in slow motion, the blood flowed slowly but steadily through his chest while he continued cutting forward, deeper, as easy as he was cutting a piece of butter, his eyes emotionless as ever. The blade slipped from one side of his neck to the other and when he had finished making a clear cut he dropped the knife on the flor, who feel with a soft thud while Kyle himself felt back into the river, his blood mixing with the water, dyeing it’s clear color blood red. The pool of blood kept growing and growing nonstop while Kyle’s motionless body quietly drowning. 

Then the world turned again.

And Cartman screamed.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sleepy, English is not my first language, this is my first story, yadda yadda, excuses, excuses. 
> 
> If you have a review I will owe you my life forever.


End file.
